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A Longing Fulfilled

I had a speaking engagement today – something that I haven’t done for a long time.  When I first started talking,  I felt like a rusty old tool coming out of a dusty tool box but I was pleasantly surprised how quickly it all came back.   While I was involved with the Navigators for eighteen years, I had many opportunities to speak to women and this morning reminded me of how much I enjoy the experience of sharing my life and telling my stories.

I talked about hope – one of my favorite topics.

Last May,  I was really struggling.  Something needed to change – I felt like I was slowly dying inside.   I recognized that I was in the second half of my life and I wanted every day to matter. I had recently read Dale Hanson Bourke’s book, “Second Calling” and I could really relate to her observations that “ in the first half of life, what’s important to us is usually what is important to others.  We call it being flexible, responsive, caring.  We multi-task and juggle responsibilities, often without much analysis or perspective. …but the second half of life is not about “doing” – it’s about “becoming.”  

I was deeply tired and disillusioned with my job. I was asking tough questions about who I was and wondering who I was becoming.

One morning, I read this verse in Proverbs…and I wept.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”  Proverbs 13:12

Without question, the longing in my heart was to write and to tell stories. I  knew that the consequences would be far worse if I didn’t take the risk.   God says that a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Freedom. Joy. Anticipation. Growth. No more deferring.  Despite my insecurities and my feelings of unworthiness to take the year and bring in no income, I knew it was time for a change…and I knew that I could trust God with all the unknowns.

I needed to hope in what I knew, rather than act on how I felt. 

So, I started writing.  It’s been a glorious eleven months – rejection letters and all.

I’m going to keep writing and rewriting and anticipate great things.

Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.    William Wadsworth

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  1. Deb Tindale

    Thank you so much for sharing with our ladies today. Not a rusty speaker at all – we all enjoyed it so much – I believe you shared Hope and inspired many. Thank you again.

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