There are lonely moments and there are “alone” moments – they are definitely different.
Last night, I experienced an “alone” moment.
Chris and I were in bed by 11:00 p.m. but I couldn’t fall asleep because of an unusual sensation in my left arm. It wasn’t painful – but it was awkwardly persistant. After about an hour, I began to feel some stiffness in my jaw and some back pain as well. The symptoms were similar to those of a possible heart attack and I knew that I was feeling some anxiety about the whole situation so I finally woke Chris up. To make a long story short, we decided it would be good for me to get checked out so we took little Phoenie over to a neighbour’s house and we arrived at the hospital at about 2:30 a.m.
I’m fine – I was poked and x-rayed, tested and monitored for seven hours. The doctor came in with good news – I did not have a heart attack, blood work was fine, blood pressure was good. So, we know what it wasn’t but we’re not sure what it was. Today, we’re taking it easy and plunking ourselves infront of the TV to watch the Olympic Opening Ceremonies, which is about all we can muster.
The point is this: there was a moment ( around 4:30 a.m.) when I was hooked up to a machine, the blood work and x-ray were completed, the lights were turned down in my little cubicle and Chris had gone to the car to attempt a quick nap.
I was alone and I was unsure of what was going to happen.
As I lay in that bed, I was very aware of the rhythmical, swirling sound of the machine as well as my own heart beat.
The thought came to me, “I came into the world alone and I will leave this world alone.” Nothing else mattered.
My mind was on my Maker. I knew where and to Whom I was going. I was alone but I was not lonely. As I pulled up the bed sheet, I felt blanketed by the love of God – and a beautiful peace swept over me.
I wish I could capture those few seconds.
For the first time in my life, I felt ready to meet Jesus… but I fell asleep instead and was woken up by Nurse Ratchet, ripping off a bandaid, as well as my arm hair, in one quick tug.
There are moments that test and/or solidify what we believe. Ultimately, we face these times alone….alone with God.