Over Christmas, a young and wise friend of mine, who is currently shuffling her way through the dating scene, shared with me the qualities she deemed as priorities in a man. She called them non-negotiables and the top three qualities on her list had nothing to do with physical attraction. Our conversation over baking goodies and cleaning the kitchen was one of the highlights of the holiday for me because I saw wisdom in Coco’s thinking and beauty in her spirit.
This same friend recently sent me this well-written, on-target article entitled, “How to Spot an Emotional Grownup” by Robin Berman, M.D. and Sonya Rasminsky, M.D.
I encourage you to take a peek at the content when you have time but here are the highlights.
- manage their feelings. They don’t pout, slam doors or give you the silent treatment.
- use language thoughtfully.
- have empathy for others.
- own their stuff.
- don’t keep score.
- love and care for themselves.
- plan and follow through.
- fight clean, not mean.
- can be flexible.
- don’t need to be propped up.
Great stuff, right?
I wish I had read an article like this when I was Coco’s age.
I don’t know what I was thinking back then and as they say,“hindsight is 20/20” but I do understand now that I was not a well-parented child or teenager. God filled me with a resilient spirit that kept me ‘above water’ and a love for sports that kept me busy in the gym but emotionally, I was wounded and I eventually brought unmet needs into a marriage that was doomed from the start.
That was then, now is now, God is good and He is faithful. He gifted me with my husband, Chris in 2004 and I can’t tell you how often I have thought, “Oh, so THIS is what a healthy marriage feels like.”
I’m not the same person I was in my 20’s — mostly because I’ve grown up emotionally. I’ve learned that dealing with loss is very different than feeling loss and I am committed to this journey of healing and abundance for the rest of my life.
Now I get it – it hurts because it matters.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. Psalm 23.6