Father’s Day is difficult for me but the words, rhythm and rhyme of this song soothe my soul.
I feel the loss of growing up without an earthly, consistent and loving father.
Slowly but surely, I have grieved this loss but seldom does a Father’s Day go by without a tear and a heaviness in my heart. I have heard others speak of an absentee parent with dismissive comments like, “Oh, it’s no big deal. Lots of kids grow up just fine with one parent.” I disagree – I think it is a VERY big deal because it is the not the way God intended it to be.
My biological dad was in my life for a short time. I have very few and very gray memories of him – coming to pick up my brothers and I in a big red convertible, eating jello and whipped cream at his apartment – that’s about it. My mom, my brothers and I moved in with our maternal grandparents and eventually, my dad just stopped coming around anymore. My mother cut out my father’s face in all of our family pictures and, despite a lifelong and verbalized desire to reunite with him, it never happened – I was denied the opportunity to see him before he died.
My mother remarried when I was in elementary school and for a period of time, I had another older brother as well. One day, I came home from school and noticed that half the furniture in our house was gone. My mother called my two biological brothers and I into the den and she casually said to us, “Your father isn’t going to be coming home any more. Let’s go out for chicken.” I never saw my second father or my step-brother again and they have both died.
My mother remarried for the third time to a very kind man but I was heading off to university and didn’t make the time to get to know him. He also died a few years ago.
I have never felt the presence and security of a physical father. I don’t ever remember being scooped up by two big arms and twirled around or sitting down and having one of “those” talks about boys. What I do remember is the yearning in my heart to be directed and protected.
No one needed to tell me that this wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.
For many years, Father’s Day brought a contemplative sadness.
Circumstances never changed…but I did.
I accepted Christ into my heart when I was fourteen years old and as the years unfolded, I learned to mourn with hope, to forgive, to acknowledge my feelings but not be controlled by them and to celebrate Father God”s Day in my heart when June rolls around.
I can shout it from the mountaintop that I unabashedly experience the love of my heavenly Father, the Father of the fatherless and that in Him, there is healing, freedom and a peace that surpasses all understanding.
I have a good, good heavenly Father, who loves me perfectly. This is who He is.
And I am loved by Him. This is who I am.
J.I.Packer once said, “If you want to judge how well a person understands Christianity, find out how much he makes of the thought of being God’s child, and having God as his Father.”
He is enough for me.
I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty. 2 Corinthians 6:18