FACT: I am well into the second half of my life.
I don’t spend a great deal of time dwelling on this reality but as my 60th birthday draws closer, I am definitely more mindful of my journey and am passionately committed to further understanding the experiences that have shaped me.
I don’t want to miss a minute of this adventure called life and I truly believe that the only way to fully thrive and feel joy in my present is to understand, grieve and embrace my past. I have lived, loved and lost. I’ve missed, I’ve hurt, I’ve made mistakes. I’ve laughed and cried but most importantly, I have learned – boy, have I learned . . . and I will keep learning.
I don’t hate the experiences that have shaped me.
No question – there have been times that I have wondered, “what if” – i.e. these days, I’ve been thinking how life would have changed if I had been loved by a father – but I do believe that I am who I am because God has held me securely through the amazing and delightful, as well as through the dark and painful chapters of my life. I have “barely held on” at times and I have jumped and skipped with a huge smile on my face other times. God has blessed me with resiliency and hope and I know – I mean, REALLY know that His character never changes, despite my feelings and my circumstances.
To love my life is not to hold on tightly and live for myself.
To love my life is to feel, to lament, to celebrate each day, to be thankful to the One who gives me breath and to love others in a way that changes the world – even just a little.
No time for regret, fear, anger, fret or worry. There is no perfection, nor is there any desire for it.
I am comfortable in the mess. With God’s grace, I have surrendered a demanding spirit that worked so well for its time when I so desperately needed consistency, predictability and control of my life.
But now I’m free. Free to be my true self. That’s where I’m heading. Looking back at times so that I can more clearly understand and more vibrantly look forward.
I have been healed. I am healing. I will be healed. In this truth, I am safe and secure.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love but the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13.13