One of the most profound truths that I have learned in my healing journey is that the goal is not to “get fixed” but instead, greater intimacy with Jesus. The suffering, struggle, failure and disappointment are just as much part of our spiritual formation as the growing comfort, confidence and physical health.
As I think back on my journey, I can claim without question that the “days in the ditch” were more formative. I remember the painful day when I tearfully surrendered and instead of wanting the blessings of God, I desperately wanted the God of blessing.
I’ve been on this journey of healing since 1988. Life fell apart after my third child was born – I just couldn’t keep it together and I lost control. This experience felt like death but I can honestly say that it was the best thing that ever happened to me. In His love, God allowed disorder and crisis to help me see that brokenness is the right place to start when it comes to healing, moving forward and growing in intimacy with Jesus.
I’ve learned that pain tells me something and I am wise to stay in it with Jesus because when He meets me there – over and over again – healing feels like a soothing wave washing over me. It’s taken years for me to better understand who God made – my true self.
I get to rest in being me today.
And there’s more to experience tomorrow.
As my pastor often reminds me, “I am healed. I am being healed. One day, I will be healed.”
This is where I live.
This is where I want to stay for the rest of my life – trusting in the slow work of God.
If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed. Habakkuk 2.3