I have been knocking on doors and handing out resumes in this town and surrounding areas for the past five months, hoping to find a part time job to support my writing. I’ve been willing to pour coffee, pile grapefruit, answer phones or stock toilet paper – for minimum wage, if necessary.
On the one hand, I have been thankful for uninterrupted time to focus on finishing my book but on the other hand, I have also been struggling with self esteem issues. There’s the self-inflicted guilt for not contributing to our income and the discouragement I felt because of the constant employment rejections.
I’m a strong proponent of seeking counsel so my husband and I recently spent the afternoon with some good friends, whom have often and lovingly “been ears” for me in the past. Over home made, blueberry muffins and apple slices, the four of us walked through the whole scenario and the bottom line was, “Diane, you’ve been through far more difficult times when you’ve trusted God with the “next step” – He is faithful – get your hands off the situation and wait.
…exactly what I needed to hear.
Waiting is hard. I think it’s far more difficult to wait than it is to work. Many years ago, I went to a conference where John Ortberg was the main speaker. He spoke on the topic of patience and he challenged the audience with this statement:
Biblically, waiting is not something we have to do until we get what we want. Waiting is part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be.
There is always purpose in the season of waiting. I have been reminded that my tendency is to want to make things happen – this is a pattern in my life. Since the day I became a Christian, (over 40 years ago!) God has lovingly and faithfully pryed my fingers off the control of my life and taught me about trusting Him. I need to be continually reminded of my foolish belief that I can get through this life by doing, loving, forgiving, moving, working and deciding…all on my own.
I want to confidently move forward when and only when God opens the door and the past few weeks have reminded me once again that wise living involves patient waiting,
So, I stopped knocking on doors…and then the phone rang. A man in the neighbourhood was asking about tutoring services and this week, I started working with a delightful, young high school student. It’s the perfect situation in so many ways. I am now tutoring two high school students and bringing in some money to help with the bills.
The concept of waiting isn’t difficult to understand but it’s tough to do. Then again, is waiting something that you “do”? I’ll have to think about that.
~ Psalm 37:7 ~