It’s one of those days – Chris is heading off to foreign lands and won’t be back for “many a day.” You’d think I would get used to all his travelling but when I wake up on the days that he’s leaving, my heart just feels a bit heavier. I appreciate Charlie Brown’s perspective on these kind of days.
I found myself following Chris around like a little puppy all day – just wanting to be close to him for those last few hours. Maybe it’s silly and sentimental – I just love to be around him…
…but he doesn’t make me happy.
This past week, I was talking with a young lady on the phone and she lamented, “Diane, I just want to find someone who will make me happy – like how Chris makes you happy.” I listened to and emphasized with my young friend because she was really struggling but at the appropriate time, I gently reminded her that, “It’s no one else’s responsibility to make you happy. You have to love yourself before you can love another.”
That’s a challenge for any young woman.
Self love is biblical. It’s not self-indulgence or arrogant or self-serving.
Your view of yourself (your self image) influences the value you place on yourself (your self worth) and the value you place on yourself directly contributes to the degree that you love yourself. A true self love reflects an understanding and acceptance of God’s perspective of your image and value… and of His love for you.
That’s a lot to take in but it’s also a lot to celebrate when it happens.
When you get to a place in life where you truly love yourself, relationships are no longer about “finding” the right person. Relationships are about “being” the right person – being spiritually and emotionally healthy and content in who God has made you to be – so that you can love another well.
My young friend and I had a long discussion about love. I explained to her that it’s not Chris’s job to make me happy – that’s a thwarted goal. There is nothing that he can do to make me happy in a deep, meaningful, long term way.
My happiness is my responsibility…
…and as much as I love to hang out with my husband, I have peace when he travels because I choose to enjoy the solitude, I love to think of and pray for him, I keep myself busy and I joyfully anticipate his return.
I want to be
with someone who makes me happy.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbour as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these. Mark 12. 30,31 NIV