Last week, I was in a bookstore and I saw a customer purchase a plaque that said, “Jesus knows me, this I love.” I had never seen this play on words, taken from the very famous, “Jesus Love Me, This I Know” song and it gave me something to think about during my long drive back home. The words were so simple but the meaning was so profound. I knew that I would blog about it some day but I had no idea that these powerful words would become the catalyst for today’s post.
On Monday morning, I opened my laptop to begin blogging and I was greeted with an ominous email from my blogs host. Basically, it was a very short message, communicating that my blog had been suspended because I had violated their company’s policies. There was no further explanation.
I was devastated and quickly contacted them, asking for further clarification. I didn’t hear back from them for over four hours so Chris encouraged me to write again. Immediately after I sent my second email, I received this response:
“We experienced a temporary technical problem that made some sites appear incorrectly as being suspended. This issue has been resolved.”
I burst into tears – partly from relief and partly from exhaustion. For four hours, I had felt such sadness over the demise of my blog and I was just overwhelmed with grief. (I must state here that for over two years, I have thoroughly appreciated the WordPress service and have been so impressed with the standard of excellence provided – there have never been any issues) I was so thankful that the problem was rectified and I could continue blogging.
However, once I settled down emotionally, I felt a great need to explore my incredibly strong response to the possibility that I could no longer blog. Why did I burst into tears and why did I experience this short-lived issue as such a loss in my life. I entertained three wrong possibilities by myself and one right answer that was so lovingly offered to me by a friend.
1. I was wrongly accused. I have been in this terrible place before so, being wrongly accused this time triggered many memories of the most painful season I have ever experienced.
2. I felt guilty but I had no idea what I had done wrong. (When I’m driving and I see a police car behind me, I immediately feel guilty, even though I probably haven’t done anything wrong.) I take WordPress policy very seriously so if I had violated some rule, I was completely unaware of it.
3. I asked myself, “Has this daily blog become an idol for me?” I am very aware that we can depend on many things to make life work, other than God. Could this be the case with my blog?
I experience such joy when I blog – it truly is an extension of who I am and how I see God in my days. The thought of having this joy taken away was devastating.
My friend wrote me the following:
“Your blogging is not an idol; if anything, it’s an alter of praise to our God, Who has gifted you to write in order to bless others and to encourage all who read to be more sensitive to seeing God’s purposes and grace in everyday life.
I truly believe that you seek each day to find something to write about that would cause readers to grow closer to God and being more aware and thankful that He does love us unconditionally and gets great delight in making our days and our circumstances reflect our relationship with Him.”
You are using your gift that God has given you, to honor and glorify Him. You give Him great joy. My spirit tells me that!”
When I started blogging over two years ago, (I just posted my 800th blog yesterday) I had no idea how much joy I would experience and how many readers would be interested in what I had to say….but God did.
“Jesus knows me, this I love.”