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Official European Union Language

This email recently came from a friend and I giggled my way through it.

I suppose it struck me because I’ve been to Europe many times in my life and often wondered if there would ever be an official language of the European Union.  I love the German language, being the first foreign language that I learned in my teens. I lived near Heidelberg, Germany for over a year after I graduated from high school so this little article hit my funny bone. As I was reading it, I actually thought that the punch line was going to be that “texting language” was going to be become the official language but the humour went a different way.

Hope you enjoy a little snicker.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than the other possibility, German.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as ‘Euro-English’. 

In the first year, ‘s’ will replace the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard ‘c’ will be dropped in favour of ‘k’. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.   

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome ‘ph’ will be replaced with ‘f’. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. 

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. 

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent ‘e’ in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaining ‘ou’ and after ziz fifz yer, vevil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis
and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. 

Und efter ze fifz yer,ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forstplas. 

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl


  1. It did make me smile, Diane!!
    Hope your week is going well.

    • Diane (Author)

      Thanks, Cynthia. I hope you’re enjoying the fruits of your book labour this week! Have fun! Looking so forward to spending some time with you in the fall!

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