My Saturday experience was a first for me; I attended a wedding alone.
My husband was in Singapore, but I did not want to miss this special day, so I started out on my navigating adventure at 10:00 a.m., to make sure that I made it to the church on time for a 1:00 p.m. wedding.
Making my way through the jungle of downtown Toronto traffic on a Saturday is no small feat for me. I’m not comfortable driving along tram tracks, dodging in and out of traffic lines, dealing with road-raged drivers or reading street signs as I drive, so it was a stressful time. I felt quite proud of myself that I didn’t go the wrong way on any one-way streets and I made it to the church with only one little illegal U-turn. According to Google Maps, it was only supposed to be a 1.5 hour trip, but it actually took me 2.5 hours to get there, thanks to the inevitable traffic knot at the Don Valley Parkway/401 intersection . . .
. . . but I made it to my destination in one piece.
The next challenge was to manoeuvre my way across a pot-holed parking lot in high heels and a tight skirt, carrying two big boxes and my purse, without going over my ankles or dropping the wedding gifts. Thankfully, a young man came to my rescue, after watching me wobble my way past a few cars.
Mission accomplished — I made it into the church . . . and sat by myself. I can’t remember ever going to a wedding alone. I felt restless and awkward.
It was a beautiful, God-honouring wedding — I particularly enjoyed what the couple chose to write on the back of the programme. Great quote.
Now at last they were
beginning Chapter One
of the Great Story
no one on Earth
has ever read,
which goes on forever,
in which every chapter is better
than the one before.
I spent a big part of the afternoon alone, waiting for the dinner reception but I kept busy, wandering around downtown Toronto for a couple of hours. Again, it felt strange to be alone in the big city. Generally speaking, I’m comfortable being by myself – with a husband who travels a great deal for work and a need for big chunks of alone time in my day so that I can focus on my writing, I’m used to it. Contrary to what many think, I’m also an introvert, who is recharged by solitude, so being alone at home doesn’t bother me at all.
But being alone is very different than being lonely.
Although I sat at a table with interesting and fun people during the wedding meal last night, I still felt a bit lost without my husband.
Maybe it was about not being able to share the emotions I felt at this very special wedding – there were many times when I wished I could have held my husband’s hand.
No question — I felt lonely.
When I arrived home to an empty house Saturday night at midnight, I spent some time thinking about Chris . . but I went to sleep, thinking about Jesus.