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The Calm of Not Doing

My pace is quick and my rhythm is productive. Not all bad but certainly not all good.

In fact, these days I’m learning that it’s more bad than good.

I have rushed around in daily life and at the end of the day, often fallen into bed exhausted. Until recently, I didn’t realize that this has been my way for most of my life.

Constant overload. Always planning my next step.

Efficient but often feeling what I now recognize as on-the-edge anxiety.

It’s taken an emotionally charged, unexpected and painful situation to push me off the edge. Not much margin and a big fall. Really unpleasant sensations in my body and mind. Fears and tears.

Surrender.

Confession. Lamenting. Crawling to Jesus.

Enter mindfulness – the ability to wake up, pay attention and become present to the moment. Less judgment. Kinder to myself.

Now I get it. I’m a slow learner.

Living in the present moment is really hard work for me but this past week as been so settling. There is a calm within.

I’m beginning to understand more of and accept this fallen part of me.

And can I express how thankful I am for this fall? Painful as it’s been, there has been such release and liberty.

Brokenness and blessing.

Jesus knows exactly what I need to experience His peace. He catches me when I fall and I have experienced ever so much deeper, His unrelenting love for me.

Mindfullness is simply being aware of what is happening right now without wishing it were different; enjoying the pleasant without holding on when it changes (which it will); being with the unpleasant without fear it will always be this way (which it won’t). James Baraz

 

 

 

 

 

 

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