I haven’t felt “right” for a couple of days.
I was beginning to think that I was getting physically sick but this afternoon, I realized that I’m feeling the remnants of a broken relationship. A couple of days ago, I made an effort to move towards someone with whom I have unresolved conflict and I was shut down quickly – this woman responded with a very rude comment and walked away from me. It’s not the first time that I have tried to approach this person, nor is it the first time that I have been rejected by her.
It hurts. The feelings of being misunderstood and judged lingers with me.
Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am strongly motivated by Romans 12.18: So far as it depends on you, live peacefully with all people. I have cognitively surrendered to the reality that I am not going to connect with everyone and that conflict is inevitable in this world but I deeply feel the awkwardness and the “wrongness” of ongoing tension with a sister in Christ. I believe conflict is an opportunity to glorify God and that relationships can become stronger as a result of biblical conflict resolution… but I can’t make someone want to resolve a conflict.
There are times that I am able to release this relationship and put it at the foot of the cross but inevitably, something makes me want to try one more time.
This morning, I woke up with a heavy heart, prayed and read these words from Paul Tautges’ blog.
Ephesians 4.3 exhorts us to be “diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” as part of walking in a manner worthy of the calling of God in the gospel. Notice that we are not called to create a unity that does not exist, such as a superficial unity without doctrinal agreement, but to preserve the unity that the Spirit has already knit among true believers in Christ. Paul Tautges