My mom died in 1996.
These are excerpts from a letter that I wrote her in November, 1984. I was 28 years old and my heart was yearning for a healthy relationship with her. I was a young mom with a one year old daughter.
Thursday night was a turning point for me. I was humbled. Our argument caused me to take a realistic look at my attitude towards you and my expectations of our relationship.
The most loving mother in the world can not meet her daughter’s need for security. I understand security to be a convinced awareness of being unconditionally and truly loved without needing to change in order to win love.
You can’t give that to me.
You said something on Thursday night – that I “need to accept our relationship as it is.” You’re right. While I can hope and pray that our relationship will deepen, I need to stop looking for your approval and encouragement.
I love you and I want so much for us. I pray that time wil heal the wounds in both our lives and maybe someday, we”ll be able to talk about “us” together. Love Diane
My mom brought her past into her mothering. I didn’t realize until much later that I did too. We all do…and our daughters will too.
Thankfully, as a child of God, the strength of truth invaded my self protection and I began to look up, rather than out for the deep security that I needed.
God began to heal my wounded heart and I joyfully offered Jesus to my children, knowing that I could never be the answer to their security and significance.
That one year old daughter of mine is now twenty nine years old and we are learning to talk about “us”…
…just like I always wanted.
Thank you God, for Dawne, Danae and Drew – Your gifts. Your blessing. My joy.
You don’t really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around – and why his parents will always wave back. ~William D. Tammeus