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Thinking About My Mom

My mom died in 1996.

These are excerpts from a letter that I wrote her in November, 1984. I was 28 years old and my heart was yearning for a healthy relationship with her. I was a young mom with a one year old daughter.

 Thursday night was a turning point for me. I was humbled. Our argument caused me to take a realistic look at my attitude towards you and my expectations of our relationship.

The most loving mother in the world can not meet her daughter’s need for security. I understand security to be a convinced awareness of being unconditionally and truly loved without needing to change in order to win love.

You can’t give that to me.  

You said something on Thursday night – that I “need to accept our relationship as it is.” You’re right. While I can hope and pray that our relationship will deepen, I need to stop looking for your approval and encouragement. 

I love you and I want so much for us. I pray that time wil heal the wounds in both our lives and maybe someday, we”ll be able to talk about “us” together.   Love Diane

My mom brought her past into her mothering. I didn’t realize until much later that I did too. We all do…and our daughters will too.

Thankfully, as a child of God, the strength of truth invaded my self protection and I began to look up, rather than out for the deep security that I needed.

God began to heal my wounded heart and I joyfully offered Jesus to my children, knowing that I could never be the answer to their security and significance.

That one year old daughter of mine is now twenty nine years old and we are learning to talk about “us”…

…just like I always wanted.

Thank you God, for Dawne, Danae and Drew – Your gifts. Your blessing. My joy.

You don’t really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around – and why his parents will always wave back.  ~William D. Tammeus

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  1. Debbie

    Amen Diane,
    Thank God for the gift of truth and courage to seek truth out. My mom died in 1991 and only briefly met my eldest son. Mine wasn’t an ideal childhood by any stretch of the imagination, yet I know in my heart through the intercession of saints, she protects us and guides us. Reconciling moments can take so very long, but are always, always worth the work and wait. Thanks for sharing your stories and insights. As the world takes a breath to acknowledge all mothers, may we always remember those who nurtured and loved us unconditionally. Mothers, step mothers, birth mothers, adoptive mothers and mothers of the heart. May we continue to unconditionally love and nurture. We have indeed been blessed.

    • It’s good that “the world takes a breath to acknowledge all mothers,” isn’t it?There are indeed many kinds of mothers. My life has been blessed with many older women who loved me well. Thanks Debbie..for your insight. Diane

  2. Letizia Paradiso

    “You don’t really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around – and why his parents will always wave back”. ~William D. Tammeus

    Diane, love the above quote… and how true!
    When we speak to our Heavenly Father, we can trust that He will ‘wave’ back at us. That’s how precious we are to Him ~ and we can be confident of His love for us.

    • Thank you so much for commenting! Are you perhaps related to Paul Paradiso? I taught with him for many years at PCA! Diane

      • Letizia Paradiso

        Yes, Diane – I am Paul’s mother…
        And Kathy Taylor is a good friend. I was curious about your blog, when it was mentioned at the funeral for Kathy’s father.

  3. Kathy taylor

    Yes Diane. I miss my mom too- since 2003. She was my rock. Her prayers, my many aunts’ prayers , and my grandparents’ prayers, I know have and will continue to help guide me, my family, children, and grandchildren. Prayers never go void.
    I know I have made many mistakes as a mother but we “learn as we go”. I know my children will forgive me for my mistakes because they also are parents and know they are not perfect. But I love them so!!!!! And I know that they know that my love for them is unconditional. This was my mother’s example to me- unconditional love.
    Happy Mothers’ Day!!!

    • Oh, I’m glad that I will meet your mom one day in heaven, Kathy! I’m so thankful to be in the Lindstrom family. Love Diane

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