Once I completed my first crocheted blanket for Danae, http://dianelindstrom.wordpress.com/2011/05/30/puttering I was good to go… queen of the crochet world… cool as a cucumber. I was convinced that the second masterpiece would come together without a hitch. I asked my other daughter Dawne, what color of wool she would like in her blanket and she eagerly put in her request.
“White. All white. And please make sure that my blanket has big, loose holes.”
Got it. I bought the wool, snuggled into my cozy chair, put my feet up and birthed a new project.
Dawne’s blanket was coming together quickly because the hook was big and the wool was thick. Back and forth I confidently crocheted, row after row. At one point, I noticed that the edges of the blanket weren’t very even.
” No matter – it just takes a bit of time for the blanket to get it’s shape” I said to my self. I continued to crochet another few rows and then I checked the blanket for a second time. The edges were looking inconsistent and messy.
“I wonder if I’ve skipped a few stitches?” Just a thought.
But I was too far into the blanket at this point and I didn’t want to stop. I also didn’t want to ask my friend if I had done something wrong – after all, I was really good at crocheting so it couldn’t possibly be my fault. There had to be another explanation for the disheveled edges. I kept going and slowly but surely, the blanket kept getting smaller.
“This is so strange… it must be the wool. Once I’m finished this blanket, I’ll wash it, lay it flat and let it dry – it’ll be fine. “
The foolish justifications continued and I kept crocheting, hoping that things would work out. At one point, I even laid the blanket on the floor and shamelessly stretched myself across it, desperately trying to reshape what had become an inverted flower pot-shaped blanket. One morning, I woke up at 3:30 a.m. and couldn’t get back to sleep because this blanket had become such a thorn in my flesh. I also spilled some smoothie on it. There was this needling thought at the back of my mind that perhaps I had made a big mess of this blanket and that maybe I should rip out all the stitches and start over again. But no…I just wasn’t ready for such drastic measures.
My next strategy was to forget about it. I stuffed the blanket into a bag and hid it behind a couch. I didn’t touch it, but I knew it was there. That lasted for about three days.
Yesterday, I took the blanket to my friend’s house and confessed to her that I needed help. I had run out of excuses. As the grossly misshaped blanket slipped out of the bag and fell to the floor, my friend looked at the mess that I had created and graciously said to me, “Diane, you need to start over.”
Don’t we do the same thing with our sin? We get over confident in ourselves. We might start out with the best of intentions but when we’re tempted and make a mistake, we begin to put a lot of energy into justifying our wrongdoing. We come up with a multitude of excuses, blame others, blame the circumstances and try to ignore it.
Sometimes, it troubles our spirits enough to stop, confess and go in a different direction. Other times, we just keep unravelling.
Thankfully, I’ve started a brand new blanket…but I’m keeping the old one as a reminder.
..but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. James 1:14,15