I recently received the following note from a friend.
I say a very big AMEN to this truth.
I miss the intimacy with Jesus that I experienced when I went through my darkest days. I breathed in Jesus as endlessly painful and complicated days unfolded. My inabilities, lack of control, fears and deep fatigue pushed me to the foot of the cross in a way that I have never experienced since. The journal entries of those painful years are dripping with laments and desperations, tears and sadness. These words, “Lord, if you are not real, if you do not come for me, I will not survive.” felt desperate but they screamed from the depth of our beings.
I am thankful for this season in my life when there is margin and joy but I has also learned to trust God in the wounded places of my heart. These are scary places that I do not naturally want to visit but because God has shown Himself to be faithful, present and loving, I can know without question that He has me.
He covers me. He is mindful of me. He is alert, focused, paying attention. He notices everything in my life.
For he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. Luke 1:48a (NIV)
Because He loves me, I willingly go into the lonely, painful, triggering experiences of my life so that I can better understand who I am. Being at the end of self “feels” terrible but it isn’t such a bad place to be because weakness is the birthplace of vulnerability and awareness of need. This is where He meets me.
I do not want to ever be unmindful of God. He is ever mindful of me.