A friend asked me, “Diane, do you believe that God actually leads you?”
The short answer to that question was most definitely a “yes” but I got the impression that my friend wanted more from me. However, before I had a chance to explain my answer, she fired another question at me.
“If you were given the opportunity to see your whole life ahead of you, would you want to see it?”
The short answer to that question was most definitely a “no”. This time, I waited to see if she was merely going to fire more questions or whether she really wanted to know what I believed.
No more questions. So, I answered.
I don’t believe that I am in control of my life. What I am in control of is what I believe, Who I believe, my integrity and my responses to what unfolds in my life. I am very aware that I have a very limited perspective on life but I believe that God sees the whole picture. What I do know is that 1. life is messy 2. God is good. 3. I can trust God with my past, present and future. So, I want to know Him. I want to wait for His leading, watch for His hand and walk with Him all my days.
My friend looked at me with a puzzled look and asked, “So, how do you make a decision about where you’re going to land?”
I was tempted to make a joke about “where I land” but decided to forego the humorous response and keep with the question.
I pray and watch. I seek counsel. I weigh the options but I don’t have to have all my ducks in a row before I move. Docked boats can’t be steered. Sometimes, I move with confidence. More times than not, I move with faith. Either way, I move and I trust God to open and close doors.
My friend quickly asked for a current example and I quickly gave her this one.
I stopped teaching about two years ago so I could concentrate on writing a book but after a while, we were really feeling the crunch financially so I decided to find a part time job. I thought about what I could do…I prayed about it and talked to friends. Then I moved. One of the first things that I did was create a flyer for tutoring services and I posted it on the guidance bulletin boards at the local high school. I waited a couple of months and heard nothing so I moved on. I applied for a sign language interpreter position, ( but didn’t get the job) I went through all four weeks of training to become a school bus driver, (but failed the final driving test twice) I interviewed for a job at a local store, (but the hours didn’t work out) I spent hours of time researching about educational assistant positions, (but realized that I had to apply on line and wait…and I have yet to hear from anyone) I handed in applications for local Canadian Tire stores, Shoppers Drug Marts and restaurants, ( but never heard back) and last but not least, I tested two separate times for an emergency dispatch position (and failed the map section of the testing both times.)
I was getting discouraged about it all so I talked with two wonderful and wise friends of mine about the situation. Their advice was, ” Stop, Diane..You’ve done enough. God knows your heart. Wait and watch.” So, I did. Three days later, the phone rang. It was a man, inquiring about tutoring his seventeen year old daughter, Monika. Five months after I had posted my flyer on the guidance bulletin board in her high school, Monika got my name and phone number and the rest is history.
It was and continues to be a perfect fit. I couldn’t have orchestrated anything better.
God’s hands were all over this connection – His timing, His provision. I moved but God directed.
My friend smiled and said, “and that’s where you landed.”
I smiled back. “Yup..and that’s where I am.”